At some point in everyone's life, we will experience conflict. Conflict can occur between family members, friends, and coworkers. How people handle conflict is important because it can either make the situation better or it can make it worse. People can lose friendships, get fired, and cause tension with in the family. Another thing to note is that conflict is unavoidable. I think in some ways it can be beneficial because it teaches us to share viewpoints and be openminded with the individuals involved. It can make two people come together to come up with a solution that can satisfy everybody.
Conflict is
something that everybody deals with more than once in their lifetimes. Conflict
is unavoidable and people need to feel more comfortable dealing with and
confronting it. “Conflict arises from differences – it occurs whenever people
disagree over their values and assumptions, motivations and perceptions, ideas
and desires” (Pakita, 2011). There are many different ways to deal with
conflict, but it is important to look at ways in which dealing with conflict
can result in a positive way. The processes that can occur in the dynamics of
conflict can have many different resolutions. The process I am going to focus
on is the Constructive Conflict Process. This process consists of a series of
five steps, and can help to successfully resolve conflict. (Abigail & Cahn,
2011) The five steps are: the prelude to conflict, the triggering event, the initiation
phase, the differentiation phase, and the resolution phase. Through a personal
experience I will explain how my conflict goes through these steps and is
successfully resolved. I will be sharing with you a Constructive Conflict process and how I have been able to apply it to a conflict that I had with my sister.
Constructive Conflict Process
1. The Prelude to Conflict: (make conflicts possible,
by the relationship, the individuals involved as well as bystanders, and the
environment)
My sister can
sometimes appear to be selfish and ungrateful. For several months after I had
moved to Madison, I would ask her to come visit me. My sister would state that
she would visit me only if I paid for her gas money because she did not have
enough to buy gas. Once she got there
she would always expect me to buy dinner or lunch for her. I was happy to have
her visit me because I missed her a lot and we always had fun together.
Sometimes my sister would want me to come visit her in Milwaukee and I would
drive there and still have to pay for lunch or dinner. The last time I was in Milwaukee I asked her
to pay for dinner.
2. Trigger: (behavior that creates, “the beginning of
the problem”)
My sister than
“sighed” and made a big deal about paying for the dinner, and then said, “Well
you can pay me back!” When I heard this I began to see red and wanted to punch
her in the face. (This was my thought, I would never do that). I just was so
angry because I always paid for her lunch/dinner and would offer to pay for gas
when she came to visit. My sister has never offered to pay for anything.
3. Initiation: (when a person brings the
problem/conflict up to the other to make them aware)
I then told my
sister that I was upset and told her that I never made a comment like that
before when I have paid for all of her meals and gas when she came to visit.
4. Differentiation: (The ongoing interaction process in
which both sides are brought up and explained through different tactics. They
can be destructive/constructive or escalate/deescalate)
At this point my
sister became defensive and stated that she did not know that I had felt that
way. She pointed out that I had always offered to pay and never said anything
to her about it. My sister also indicated that I have a job that pays better
than her, and that she is struggling with money. I told her that it would be nice
for her to offer once in a while.
5. Resolution: (The end outcome in which both parties
agree to with solution)
We both
apologized to each other, and I told her that I should have told her earlier.
My sister stated that she did not realize that I had felt this way and
indicated that she was not trying to take advantage of me. We both decided that
we would take turns for paying for dinner/lunch and that she would pay for her
gas money when she came to visit.
The last time I
came home to Milwaukee and I stayed over for two nights, she paid for both
dinners, both nights and I paid for lunch. There was no issue and it was really
nice. Conflict Resolution when used effectively can create positive results
when going through the process.
References
Abigail, R. & Chan,
D. (2011). Managing conflict through
communication. 4/e, Boston: Allyn &
Bacon.
Pakita, S. (2011). How to manage conflict. [Web]. Retrieved
from:
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