This paper was written before I got married, unfortunately in the state of Wisconsin it is not recognized. Erica and I got "married" November 5th, 2011 in front of family and friends. It was the best day of my life and it felt so great to be surrounded by family and friends who supported us. We will be heading to Cabo in February for our honeymoon!
“It’s very dear to
me, the issue of gay marriage. Or as I like to call it: ‘marriage.’ You know,
because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didn’t
gay park it.” – Liz Feldman
This is one of my favorite quotes stated by Liz
Feldman, who is a comedian. It brings up a good point on how
society looks at same-sex marriage. I believe that marriage should be able to
apply to everyone in regards to the fact that same-sex marriage and marriage
should not be labeled separately. We are all humans and share feelings,
thoughts, and emotions. The only difference is my preference of who I want to
marry. I think that I should be able to enjoy the same benefits that straight
couples are able to enjoy. Just because we are in love and are a same-sex
couple does not mean that we should be denied those rights. Marriage
constitutes more than the legalized act of commitment, for it offers couples
joint ownership, tax filing, insurance benefits, and medical decisions that are
important. These do not just affect straight couples but they also affect
“same-sex couples.” Denying these rights is a direct violation of
our civil rights.
I also think that people have the right to decide if
they want to get married, or if they do not want to get married. There are many
straight couples who live together and do not want to get married. I think the
elements of what constitutes a family and the way people’s lifestyles are
evolving. The reason I say this is because people argue that same-sex marriage
will ruin the institution of marriage, but look at how many other ways people
are living their lives. They are not getting married, and living together. The
domestic partnership law is not just being used by same-sex couples but also by
straight couples who do not want to get married, but want to share some
benefits. This is something that is important to look at because it is not just
gay couples who live this type of lifestyle. There are straight couples who are
living a lifestyle in which marriage may not be the route they want to go. I
also think that if people are so worried about the institution of marriage, just look at the media and the rates of divorce. There are enough straight couples that
are doing enough damage to their own marriage. How can same-sex marriage ruin
the institution of marriage when there is already a significant problem? One perfect example is Kim Kardashian and Kris Humpheries, married for only 72 days! More
examples are some of the celebrities and political figures within the news in
which we are finding out about some of their misconduct. Just to name a few,
Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, and Arnold Scherzwiznager. These are all men that
are in “straight” relationship, they are all married, and they cheated on their
wives. Some of these celebrities may be facing a divorce, but how many of us
have either been a victim or know people who have had their spouse/significant
other cheat? I have a feeling there are quite a few people out there. With that
being said, it is quite clear that in some aspects the institution of marriage
can be ruined regardless of whether same sex-couples are married. I think that
all human beings regardless of the sex they are interested in can be “a threat”
to the institution of marriage if they are not faithful. It is clear that we
are all humans and we should be treated with respect and dignity. It should not
be “us against them” and we are marrying for the same reasons that everybody
else is. In other words, allowing same-sex couples to legally marry will also
be beneficial to the economy. “We” will be able contribute to society and enjoy
the right to plan and celebrate with a wedding ceremony in which many people
spend a lot of money on.
In 1982, Wisconsin became the first state in the nation
to adopt anti-discrimination protections for our
state’s gay and lesbian citizens. (Fair Wisconsin, 2011) This means that
landlords, employers, owners and workers in a public place cannot discriminate against
lesbians/gays/bisexuals on their sexual orientation. I think this alone should
standout to the many people in my state. We already have an anti-discrimination
protection that takes place when we are trying to find a job, a house, or go to
a business. By not legalizing same-sex marriage we are in fact discriminating against
the LGBT population. In 2006, Wisconsin passed a constitutional amendment
banning marriage equality and civil unions. In 2009, Wisconsin “became the
first state in the Midwest to protect same-sex couples via legislation and made
us the first state with an existing constitutional amendment banning both
marriage equality and civil unions to enact domestic partnerships” (Fair
Wisconsin, 2011). Why even bother to make this a protection when we cannot even
get married. I understand the basis of the protection, but I think these days
it is not always as easy to tell who LGBT is. I think people tend to have the
stereotypes of what a lesbian or gay person looks like. This is another way in
which people need to know that it does not affect just “one type” of
individual. There are sports athletes, artists, singers, and people who are
just trying to make a living. Again this is our civil right and it affects many
people.
As mentioned earlier, society is becoming more
accepting and the legalization of same-sex marriage is slowly starting to pass.
It is apparent that same-sex couples and LGBT people are being welcomed into
the mainstream entertainment arena. Many television series are incorporating LGBT
characters into their plots and it is another way for individuals to learn
about the LGBT population. Shows like Modern
Family, Glee, and Grey’s Anatomy
all focus on many different plots that LGBT people go through. There is a focus
on teenagers as well, and describe what the “coming out process” is like. I
think that these shows focus on the reactions of the characters. In a recent
Canada news article they look at the broadcast network of CW and talking about “coming out stories.” This article states,
Coming-out stories are standard, almost a cliché of
television stories dealing with gay characters and this goes back to the '70s
and the '80s," said Larry Gross of University of Southern California's
Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism, who specializes in lesbians
and gays in the media. "What's probably different now is that the age is
becoming younger and I think this reflects the fact that the sort of
battleground for gay people in society includes high school and probably even
includes middle school. ... younger people are becoming more aware of their
identities. (Friedlander, 2011)
Because it has entered the mainstream arena, it is apparent to me
that it is becoming a “part of life.” People’s attitudes are changing in
regards to the way they view gay people. It is apparent that we have come a
long way from many years ago to now. Again we are looking at our civil rights,
and that right is for me to be able to marry. Many people think there is a
stigma and that people who are “homosexual” are “promiscuous.” I always find
this view to be somewhat of a contradiction because people who are straight can
exhibit the same promiscuous behavior.
There are currently six states that have recognized
same-sex marriage including New York which has passed this past month.
“Same-sex couples can legally marry in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts,
New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C.” (Associated Press, 2011) Many
couples have been able to enjoy the freedom of marrying their significant
other. Many have told me that I should move to the states that have legalized
it, but I do feel that in the next ten years all of the states will be
legalized. It also becomes an issue when other states are already legalizing
marriage and if the other states are in agreement that it is a constitutional
right than the right should be effective in all of the United States. I also feel like I have started my life in
Wisconsin and this is where I want to stay. I should not have to move to those
states just so that my marriage can be legalized. Again I think that as more
states continue to fight through on this issue, it is going to be legalized. In
Wisconsin, we do have the domestic partnership, which is something that my wife
and I have taken advantage of. This does not give us all the benefits that a
marriage couple can enjoy, but it has been nice because my wife, Erica has been
able to get on my insurance and is able to assist in some of my medical
decisions.
Many people will argue that most religions find
homosexuality a sin, and that people who are gay will “go to hell.” But what
happened to the freedom of religion? Not everybody shares the same viewpoints
and not ALL religions have issues with gay people. This is where the separation
of government and church play a factor. The government can put this right into
effect, but there are certain churches that do not have to perform the ceremony
if it is against their religious beliefs. Many will use the bible and take
direct quotes out of the bible to show that homosexuality is a “sin” and is
“wrong.” I understand that people will pull that out and argue with it, but
again there are people who do not believe in the bible or God. How can one
religion claim that it is the right religion and all others are wrong? In that
mindset this argument would not work for many, as people have the freedom of
religion and can worship in any way that they please. Same-sex marriage is a
civil right and it should be celebrated in any way that the couple so chooses
to do. The church I belong to is United Church of Christ and I am Protestant.
Our church has opened there arms to everyone and everybody, my pastor is going
to lead my ceremony in November. When I asked him, my pastor stated, “There
would be no other place, then officiating your wedding.” Again this goes to
show that not everyone has the same beliefs and although there are many people
who have religious issues, my pastor and church do not have any issues. On a
more personal note, I truly believe in God and the well-being and respect of
others, and I attend my church when I am back in my hometown. I have never felt
“unwelcomed” and everybody is “accepting.” I think this is how God wants me to
treat people and that is how I live my life. Again this is my religious view on
life, but others may not even believe in God, and others have different
perspectives. Same-sex marriage is not something that everybody needs to agree
with, but it is indeed a right that needs to be legalized. We are a minority
group and to take our civil rights away is like taking the rights away for
“women to vote.” As we have been going
through this process of planning a wedding, we have not had anyone show us any
discontent or reject to offer their services to us. Now I am not an overly
religious person, but I do believe in God, and I do think that God would not
turn any one way from him. Again this is a controversial issue in which many
will talk about the inability for same-sex couples to reproduce, and that is
why marriage is between a man and woman. When taking that into consideration, I
like think about the fact that there is adoption and other ways for same-sex
couples to have children. What do you think a straight couple does when one
cannot have the ability to have child? They go through the same process whether
it be adoption or through medical science. There is also the argument that
children who are raised by same-sex couples will have a “traumatic” experience
or even make them “gay.” This is truly an argument that lacks validity. I know
several same-sex couples that are raising children and they are quite
successful and believe it or not, they turn out just fine.
There is always going to be controversy between the legalization of same-sex
marriage. I think that the directions that it is heading are only going to get
better. I was reading a recent news article in The Brattleboro Reformer and I think this anonymous journalist puts
it at best,
As the
Founding Fathers wrote in the Declaration of Independence, "We hold these
truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are
endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. “Of course, if you don't believe in
the evolution of beliefs over time, then only white, male landowners qualify as
"men" and the Founding Fathers surely didn't have gay marriage in
mind when they put their signatures on that great declaration that still
resonates today. But by that same reasoning, we would still have slaves, women
wouldn't have the right to vote, and those of different races wouldn't be able
to intermarry. (Equal rights indeed, 2011)
This issue
is important because it affects my life and the ability for me to want to
commit to my wife. I should be able to enjoy the same rights that every
straight couple has I want to be able to marry my wife and have it count in the
way that we can experience the same rights that everybody else does. There are
many arguments to why same-sex marriage should be legalized. The acceptance of
gay people has changed and is growing. There are a number of states that
believe that same-sex marriage is a basic human right and there are six states
that have currently legalized same-sex marriages. Over the years, I think we
will see more states think about same-sex marriage and make it legal. In years
later, I think many of us will wonder why same-sex marriage was ever an issue. Same-sex
marriage is a civil right, and there needs to be equality.
So on November 5th, 2011, I will be walking down
that aisle, I will be celebrating my love for my partner Erica, and I will be
doing it in front of 200+ guests that are their because they love us and accept
us for who we are as people. On this day I will smile and as I say my vows with
my pastor to my bride, I will smile. For I know I will be happy for the rest of
my life. At this point in my life, I truly believe that we will eventually
overcome this obstacle and Erica and I will be able to have another ceremony in
which our vows will be read, and will be legally married. Until then I will
embrace life to the fullest and continue to stand by my wife as we fight for
the civil rights and equality.
References
Associated Press. (2011). Ny lawmakers stuck on gay marriage vote. Retrieved from
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43463430
Equal rights, indeed. (2011, July 15). The Brattleboro reformer. Retrieved July 18, 2011, from
Proquest
Newsstand. (Document ID: 2399572251).
Fair Wisconsin. (2011). Retrieved from http://fairwisconsin.com/about
Friedlander, Whitney. (2011, January 5). Coming-out stories
come of age on popular shows for
teenagers. The Vancouver Sun, D. 4. Retrieved July
18, 2011, from Proquest Newsstand.
(Document ID:
2233676021).
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